What Happened to Dating?

I have a question - when did dating become a death sentence?

No, seriously - we all joined a dating site but then when it comes down to it, it seems that a majority of these boys are just terrified of dating.

I was talking to my friend Bill over the weekend and as a gay man, he hears stories from girls like us all the time. What I didn't realize, was that he was actually hearing the exact same story from all of us. It goes something like this.....

"We've been dating for a few months now. It's been going really well. We hang out 2, maybe 3 times a week. We're pretty much in constant contact via text, whatever. He's met my friends and invited me over to a barbecue at his house with all of his. We laugh, we have fun and we have sleepovers. We seems to be on the same page and I know that eventually - he wants a family - wife, kids, the whole bit, he's told me so. But we hung out last Tuesday and I haven't really heard from him since."

Maybe he's just busy, something came up at work, he's camping. Whatever.

So then you see said guy and the follow-up story goes something like this....

"Since things had been going so well, I just kind of wanted to check-in, see where he was and how he was feeling about things. We're adults, you know - so those kind of things can be discussed. And it's been months, it's not like this is date number two. And even then, I did not ask him to be my boyfriend, much less put a ring on my finger but now, he's just not sure what he wants."

Sound familiar? Well, my exact version(s) of the story go something more like...

"He dropped the L bomb after a few drinks a few weeks ago and when I confronted him about it, he basically took it back. His side of the story is that it's not that he didn't mean it, it's just that he's not ready for everything that comes along with it. But you can't drop the L bomb and continue to casually date one another so I guess that is that."

Or, then, there's this one....

"We hadn't even hung out for a month so I was just happy to see him. It was the end of the date and he was dropping me off. We'd had a great time, he made a fantastic dinner and we caught a movie. And I just love who I am around him, I'm the same with him as I am with you. It's just FUN. And easy. The last thing I was expecting was a talk. I didn't even want to talk! I'm tired of talking! But then, it happened. And before I knew it, it snowballed and I heard the whole 'I'm just not sure....' and I cannot. hear. that. again. so I guess that is that."

So again, I ask this and I also ask - when did dating become a death sentence? You know, girls in their late-20s, early-30s are known to have the reputation of being ready to settle down, husband hunting, crying ovaries, etc. but it seems to me, from my latest dating interactions, that's it's actually the dudes that are putting all the pressure on the relationship.

When I ask you if you want to continue seeing one another, see where it goes, see how it is when guards are down and we don't have to worry about the activity on your OKC account because hey, we're going to give it a shot - I am not asking you to put a ring on my finger. If you don't take a chance, how are you ever going to figure it out?

Bill shared with me that yes, it's the same story from all of his girlfriends and of course, gave me the "it's not you" line but what was really interesting was that he followed it up with a "honestly, I don't even think it's the guys either. I think it's a thing going on in society right now."

So what is it - is it that we have such easy access to the "sea" now thanks to sites like OKC, Match. com and eHarmony that we're just constantly on the search for something better? Is it that we saw our parents get divorced, sometimes multiple times, that took the sanctity out of marriage? Is it that between Facebook and Blogs - we're too wrapped up in our lives and ourselves to remember what it's like to be with someone else and how that can actually be a good thing?

It's taken the fun out of dating for me because ultimately, it seems that it just ends up in the same place over and over again. With that same place being square one. After dates and dates and emotions and emotions invested. You guys, I am the eternal optimist. The fall down five times, get up six girl and I'm questioning continuing this nonsense. And I just referred to something that I've cherished since I was a little girl as 'nonsense.'

What is happening?