6 vs. 12

I went on several dates last week and when I would report back to Suzy, she would ask "How was it, 1-10?" and I would say, "Um. 6. Nice guy but....." and it didn't matter what that 'but' was  - they were 6s. Which meant I maybe would go out with them again but probably shouldn't - for both of our sakes (boredom for me, false hope for the others).

I was in desperate need of a 10. With a date looming to make a "final exchange of belongings" with the ex, I needed to be reminded that 10s are out there.

And then Saturday night brought me a 12 and so I am here to tell you today the difference between a 6 and a 12.

A date with a 6

After several email exchanges and a follow-up call or text, you agree to go out. On a weekday because you kind of know he's going to be a 6 and Friday and Saturday nights are reserved for whatever it may be that you want to do - be that an 8+. 

You arrive at a place that is familiar, you were just here last week with a girlfriend - maybe not the best place for a first date but maybe he's just not trying to blow your hair back or invest until he knows you're worth it. It's within walking/biking distance of your house.

You greet each other with either a handshake or that butt-out, half-way hug.

You order a drink - he's a gentleman so he pays.

A discussion about work, what do you do, where do you do it, how long you been doing it - that usually gets you through drink one.

You debate having another - especially since he's a nice guy and hasn't dropped any 'peeping tom' jokes, the word poop within the first 5 minutes or said that if your dog was attacked by a mountain lion, it would be a good day for the both of you (and yes, all of these have actually happened in my online dating life). You order drink number two.

By the time number two is finished, you know how many siblings he has, where he has traveled and whether or not you want to go out with him again. You're not sure (mostly because you feel that if you agree and the night rolls around, you'll be tempted to just stay in and watch 'The Voice').

So when it wraps and he picks up the bill, you smile and thank him and keep the plans open - maybe sometime next week or the week after? Work is kind of crazy.....

And you're home by 8. In sweats by 8:30 and back on OKC by 9.

A date with a 12

The possibility of a new message from him is what keeps you logging in to OKC three times a day. He's cute, the right age and his emails make you laugh. After an email that took you an hour to write, but sounded like it just rolled off your tongue - you two have a date. It's his birthday week so it's not just a date but a cause for celebration.

You arrive late, of course, because this is one you wouldn't want to be late for but since you agreed to a Saturday night date, you have a feeling you might tie one on and therefore leave your car parked safely at home and take the bus.

You spot him parked at the bar across the restaurant and he's already yackin' it up with the bartender and halfway through his first drink.

He greets you with a full hug as you launch into an apology, he tells you not to even worry - sit down, house margarita?

And of course you talk about what you both do, whether those siblings exist or not and what brought you to Colorado - but you're also laughing (what a concept!), telling stories and exchanging arm brushes. You're having FUN.

Before you know it, one drink has turned in to three and it's 10 p.m. but it's Saturday night so when he returns from the bathroom, you ask if he's up for another drink. He invites you to his next plan for the evening (because 12s are social like you).

The date turns in to an adventure the moment you walk out of your first meeting place. The night consists of tequila shots, a guy hitting on you, a run in with his ex leading to a slap across the face, a first kiss next to a shuffleboard table, a dog walk resulting in a bloody knee, spilled Moscow mules - all resulting in you waking up an hour late, rushing to somehow make yourself presentable for a brunch date with your girlfriend before an afternoon baseball game.

And yes, that smile across your face and the texts exchanged the next day make it all worth it. 

That is a 12. And 12s are here to remind us that no matter what we had in our pasts - the next thing could be even better.

Introducing "You Should Message Me If..." Fridays

For those of you not familiar, OKC ends your profile with this question for you to fill in....

"You Should Message Me If....."

It's the CLOSER and can range from anything from "You are honest in your heart and honest in your laugh" (the original by yours truly) to "You're bored" to "You like what you see" to "You made it this far" to "You have a tender heart, beautiful eyes, and a sharp wit" (Suzy's original).

Question is - will you really message me if you are honest in your laugh and honest in your heart - will that sharp wit and beautiful eyes cause you to press 'message' or do we need to leave you with something a little more attention grabbing?

So every Friday, Suzy and I will be switchin' it up - and taking suggestions - to keep it fresh on our own OKC profiles.

This week, KK's will be...

You look like Ryan Gosling  and sound like Matthew McConaughey. 

 "Alright, alright....."

Hey, a girl can dream, right?

and sometimes there are boys we like...

i came across his profile last night, right before bed.  and i was struck immediately by how beautiful this tall texan was.  i found myself struggling to click off his page, so i messaged him.  (and since i post everyone else's messages here, it's only fair if i post my own...)

i said:

i'm typically really good with witty introductions, but that doesn't seem to be what's important right now.

right now i need to tell you that you are staggeringly beautiful. well, your photos are (the online thing is weird, right?)... i don't know how well we'd get on, but i couldn't pass your profile without telling you how it struck me.

hope you're enjoying denver thus far.

maybe it was because it was late and i was tired.  maybe it was because sometimes a cheesy line just doesn't feel right.  but i was just transparent with him.  AND IT WORKED.  we've messaged back and forth today and he seems like a cool guy.  and my words were true.  i'm still not sure how we'll get on, but are we ever?  it's worth a shot!

and with this, i introduce to you "humpday creepster"

we've already covered how a well thought through message makes all the difference, but sometimes even if a guy puts some effort into it, it still doesn't work.  case in point - this guy...

Do you know what a man and a snowstorm have in common?
You never know how many inches you're going to get, or how long its going to last.

So tell me, oh great catch. Why are you single, and looking for a match? 

while creative and unique, this message just made me gag.  i'm gonna break it down for you, in case you can't see why this message is SO off-putting (you can though, right?  of course you can.  you're not a creep).

1. the opening joke.  depending on the situation, i may have laughed at this joke.  like in a bar.  on a second date.  and if it started off by him saying "i heard the WORST joke the other day...".  as an introduction, penis innuendo typically doesn't go over well.
2. the rhyme scheme.  "...catch...match"  gross.  cheese city!
3. the worst question EVER.  "why are you single...".  don't.  just don't ever ask that.  because it's the exact same as asking "what is wrong with you and why will no one love you?" (you'll see a full blown post on this at some point in the future). 
4. the photo.  yeah...that's a garter on his head.  he's a party animal...or something.

i'm curious if that line has ever worked on a girl before.  my guess is no.

Take Note.

Ok, so you don't think that every. single. message. we get is horrible - I offer you a "THIS IS HOW IT'S DONE BOYS":

I had messaged this:

First of all - I refuse to believe that pink isn't a real color so I am glad to see you are leaning toward 'yes.'

Second of all, I hear 'ya on the hipster realization - but aren't we all kind of walking that fine line these days? It comes with the taste for good music.

Question - Care to share your top three tee shirts? And I mean via description. Don't worry, I am not asking to borrow your favorite tee on the first email.

I'm Kate and hoping you're having a good weekend. You are.....?

He replied:

... Jason! I'm Jason! Sorry for the late reply -it's been a busy week.

Ok hmm my top three shirts. My favorite one is really old, like 11 years or more; it has an illustration of a sniper on a rooftop, and it says "I love a parade" (I sometimes have a dark sense of humor) Second one is a little T-rex floating through the sky holding onto a bunch of balloons. Third favorite is probably my "Not a Doctor" shirt. It says not a doctor across the front and has a surgeon inside a red circle and slash through it on the back. I hope it lasts until I am a doctor so I can wear it under my scrubs :P

As for pink, I need to update that. It totally *is* a color. My indecision was based on light and wavelengths and so on, but once I realized that color is a product of the brain and not an external element I recognized that pink is a color. In fact it's unique since it doesn't have a corresponding wavelength like all the others.

I took that inner animal test and I guess I'm an African Wild Dog. I don't know how well those mix with hippos, but I'm willing to find out :) What shows are you going to at red rocks this year? I'm trying to find tickets to pretty lights but I'm not sure I wanna pay as much as people are asking for them. Oh! I wanted to ask about the Grapples! I'm so intrigued by them but I've never had one. Are they amazing or what? Do they really taste like grapes?

Hope your week is going well, talk to you again soon

Jason 

What he hits on:

The enthusasium of introducing himself.
An apology for the delayed response (all of three days).
Answers questions per my previous message.
Uses inflection (totally *is* a color).
Took my Discover Your Wild Animal test. Made a cute remark about it.
Asked about Grapples.

....And just like that, a girl is smitten. Keep it up, Jason. And the rest of you (see below) - take note.

you get what you give

to reiterate katie's point, we get at least 10 messages a day on okc (that's what the cool kids call ok cupid.  now you know.).  in this brutal world of snap-judgement first impressions that online dating fosters, just sending me a message isn't going to get my attention.  you've got to be witty, or handsome, or complimentary, or...something other than what this guy sent:

Liked your profile! You seem way fun. Check mine out Msg back.

err...  maybe try actually spelling out "message" and we'll see.

that's too private

"the most private thing i'm willing to admit"? 

when originally pondering this question posed by the ok cupid robot, i wanted to post something that was a bit personally revealing but not appalling - as truly private things tend to be the latter (and horribly unattractive).  so this is what i found myself typing:

"every single time i walk up stairs i have this vision of falling and knocking my front teeth out. it gives me the shivers. literally."

a couple of people have mentioned it on dates in the past, but recently i've had an overwhelming number of guys talk about it in their initial messages.  but not in an oh-i-share-that-same/similar-fear way or even a that's-really-weird-but-you're-cute kind of way.  i'm getting messages telling me about their experience knocking teeth out.  one dude even told me he would show me his flipper!?  (he followed it up with the admittedly cute comment "(settle down, that's what they call my partial denture.)" so i guess that was a bit redeeming...)

regardless, it gives me the heebie-jeebies.  i know things like that happen to people and thanks to the miracles of modern dentistry we don't have to walk around looking like hillbillies, but don't sully our first interaction with your unfortunate dental history. 

ew.

The Art of a Humorous Message

On a site such as OK Cupid, you've got to assume that everyone you are messaging is receiving at least ten messages per day - after all, you are.


So let me tell you what won't work - a line like 'nice to (e)meet you' - I'm not at work so I am not sure why I needed to sound like I was. I honestly think that I was just SO thrown off by the fact that his name was Noah - that I froze.


After two bottles of wine and an episode of 'The Voice' with Suzy though, I was feeling slightly more inspired. 


And hey, what do we have to lose, right?

And although we haven't gotten together to talk Jurassic Park yet - we have been exchanging multiple messages daily since then and he did offer to come down to a show to buy me a drink last night. I am not sure if I could actually go out with him without first establishing some sort of nickname but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.