#TheBachelorette

 "Two girls. One summer. And a season of The Bachelorette."

So as you may have picked up on by now - we're fans of The Bachelor Franchise and last night, we decided to take our fandom to a whole 'nother level by launching this Twitter account.

We'll be tweeting live re: "The Bachelorette" every Monday night throughout the season - most likely to be followed by "Bachelor Pad" late summer and "The Bachelor" come fall. Who knows, maybe we'll even get cray and start "Love in the Wild." And "Ice Loves Coco" (TRUE LOVE).

Oh, wait - we're supposed to be dating, too.

Don't worry, we'll find room for that. And maybe even a live date tweet session with a potential OKC suitor. Ohhhhhh loving that idea! You?

You Should Message Me If...

You love Disneyland and hate U2. 

excerpts from messages that didn't work

it seems that i've been getting an influx of really boring, fairly generic (and sometimes bordering on strange) messages recently.  see below for some excerpts that made me turn my head, squint my eyes and make a "hm" face:

1. "Hi there, you seem like a cool beans kind of gal." (you seem like a lame guy from the early 90s, #1.)
2. "What makes you happy? Specifics, please ..." (just read my profile.  that's why i filled it out.  to keep from having completely inane conversations.)
3. "I don't particularly enjoy food, and I have no fashion or style sense whatsoever, but I figured I'd email you regardless just to say hello."  (food and fashion are listed on my profile as the two most important things to me...)
4. "Hey, how's it going? I came across your profile and thought you seemed interesting and cute! If you'd like to talk some more, feel free to message me anytime!" (i bet that's what you say to all the girls, #4.  literally.)
5. "If you would ever like to link up for a beverage please feel free to message me! You seem like someone I could have a conversation with." (you seem like a robot, #5.)
6. "hi beautiful" (that's it?  you don't even give me punctuation, #6?)
7. "Hey how are ya? I'm ready to fall in love with you." (where #6 doesn't go far enough, this one goes waaaaaaaaay too far.  btw, that's all that was written.  no "wanna meet up" or anything. guess he thought that might make him seem creepy...)
8. "What's the craziest thing you have ever done?" (undoubtedly copy-and-pasted to every girl he liked.)
9. "How did you find the Box?!" (i honestly have no idea what this means. i'm completely perplexed.)
10. "Pete & Pete." (this is in reference to a song i have on my profile.  i guess he wanted to let me know that he knew what show it was from.  but nothing more.  that's all he wanted me to know.)

guys, take a note from katie's post to start writing messages that actually work.

Role Play

Last night was my fifth date with Jeff Goldblum. I just got back in to town from ten days in San Diego and Vegas so I warned him that I would likely not be much use. He suggested a night in, complete with dinner and the series finale of House. I told him that I never watched an episode of House but The Bachelorette kicked off last week.....

After half a dozen texts, Goldblum had the #BIE (read: best idea ever) and suggested that we watch his show while playing my show. I would be the Bachelorette and he would be a contestant, working it for the rose. Well if you know me, and know that I once made it to third round of casting for The Bachelor way back in 2006 - you know that I was all about this date.

Like a true gentleman, Goldblum picked me up, even giving me a few extra minutes to get myself freshened up. Once we arrived back at his place (the mansion), the date consisted of appetizers (including cheese), wine, a sunset, kisses and whiskey ice cream. And lots of well-researched lines from The Bachelorette.

I didn't have a rose with me but if I had, Goldblum totally would have received the 'Final Rose' for that evening.

humpday creepster

maybe i'm a prude, but i just don't like to think about strangers touching me.  like, the very first thought i have about someone is them putting their hands on me.  (that last sentence made my skin crawl.)

so i got this message and immediately filed it in the creepster bin:

"random question.... are you ticklish? :P"

 why?  is that something you're into guy-with-the-word-"tickle"-in-his-screen-name?  first of all, how is that random?  secondly, no!

Target Audience

I was watching the finale of The Voice last week when this commercial came on.

I think we all know by now that Google knows what they're doing.

One thing you should know is that I work in advertising and people are always telling me that I am the dream consumer aka a real sucker.

So take the fact that Google knows what they are doing and then add what a sucker I am plus my recent breakup where I hated (hate?) the ways things ended.

The result? Tears on the couch.



I think my exact next move was logging on to OKC and booking my next date. And that date was amazing. Thanks, Google.

do more...wisely

i decided to cancel my date with this guy.  the more we talked, the more i realized that i was never going to be into him.  he wasn't just too young or had different eating habits than i did, there were other things that made it apparent.  the biggest?  in every single message we exchanged, he kept emphasizing how alone he was, how much he wanted a girl, how incredibly excited he was to meet me.  these endearing comments made it that much harder to break the date but it was the right thing to do.  he wants to be in love so badly and i'm not going to be the girl to break his heart. 

he was so incredibly cute and genuine though.  i'm positive he'll find his lady.  and i wish him the best. 

You Should Message Me If....

You've got an extra ticket to a show at Red Rocks this summer.

humpday creepster

i'm not sure (and i really really hope) that i'll never get another creepster as creepy as last week.  the message this week, not gag inducing, but definitely odd:

"you are adorable... will you run away with me and see the world?"

i thought "seems cute, let's check the profile".  ew.  no, 41 year-old-man from honolulu hawaii.  how did you even find my profile when we're 3343 miles away from each other?  and why don't you have any pictures of yourself taken by other people? 


creepster.

things no one told me...

i've been going on some dates now.  quite a few actually.  and while they're typically fun, i miss my free time.  time when i don't have plans to meet someone for the first time.  time when i'm not "on".

i was talking with katie this morning about plans she has to meet a boy from 6:15-8:00 - he has tickets to a show after that.  "it'll be short and sweet (hopefully)", she says (isn't she the cutest?!).  then i had an epiphany.  and i feel silly that it took me this long to get here on my own...  short dates, especially for the first one, are preferable.  if you leave wanting more, see him again.  done and dusted.  now i can go catch up on "downton abbey". 

if you read our very first post where we talked about our dating history, you know that i've never really been out in the world, single and dating.  this is all new for me.  and to avoid any future awkwardness and exhaustion, please, for the love of all things sacred, tell me what else i need to know!

thank you.

Peonies in Season

Attention, gentlemen:

Peonies are now in season.

Please send to :

Katie Knoch

c/o Scream

1501 Wazee St. #1B

Denver, CO 80202

Thanks!!!!!! XO

Do You Think....

That complementing me and starting an argument with me, ABOUT U2 much less, is going to get me to message you back?

You seem like a sharp and funny person and you are very attractive, but how can you hate U2??? They are responsible for most of the groups you like!

Do the groups I like wear slicked back hair, wrap sunglasses, and have a lead singer named Bono?

I am a sharp and funny person and thank you for that but you know who's not? Shannon Doherty. And do you know who her favorite band is?

U2.

Enough said.

a reminder

9:43 AM me: hey hun

9:44 AM i am sick as a dog right now. stayed home from work. gonna get right by tonight, but i don't know if i can do the wine, cheese, smore extravaganza that monday nights typically are...

6 minutes

9:51 AM KK: oh yuck! i'm sorry to hear that! we can cancel if you want!

9:55 AM me: i don't want to miss your last monday. and it's been a few

  i'll do everything i can to feel better and hang out tonight

9:56 AM UNLESS you could conveniently schedule an awesome date.

 KK: you're number one girl - remember?

9:57 AM me: ;)

you should message me if...

...the only walls you have are in your apartment.

chatty cathies

katie and i talk constantly throughout the day on gchat.  we decided there is too much gold in those chats to be left alone.  so we'll start giving you glimpses into our daily conversations - the brilliantly phrased, witty banter that you have come to expect from us.  (...unless we're talking about panties.  and we are.)

this is a bit of a chat from wednesday.  i had a date that night (turned out to be an absolutely amazing date.  more on that later.) and we were gushing like school girls:

3:58 PM KK: awwwwww

  omg i am so excited for you!

  you'll have to let me know how it goes

3:59 PM and i have to say this although i do not believe it will be the case but text me if you need ANYTHING AT ALL

  and that could range from a rescue to a change of panties.

4:00 PM me: oh thank you sweetheart!

  that reminds me, we need to come up with a rescue plan

4:03 PM KK: yes we do, always smart!  since then, we have developed an infallible rescue plan but that's another post entirely.

JDate?

As I sat on my date with Jeff Goldblum the other evening, it struck me that he reminded me of another guy from my past. Who? Hmm. Is it the curly hair? The huge smile? I know I'm drawn to bigger noses. The fact that I am cracking up over this vodka tonic? Who....

OMG, I'm out with Mike Grossman.

For those of you not familiar with my (turbulent) dating past, Grossman is a guy I met during my kickball days (two time champ!) who swept me off my feet with that curly hair, killer sense of humor and his here one day, gone the next approach. Come to find out, that was due to the fact that HE HAD A FIANCEE.

As I sat enjoying my time with Jeff Goldblum and thinking about how incredibly attractive I found him, I thought to myself "Maybe I should give JDate a shot....."

Do more, right?

humpday SUPER creepster

sometimes you don't need to analyze a message to see the creepiness (like we did last week).  sometimes it just takes one single word.  sometimes (read: all the time) that word is "intimately".

he said:

Hello,

I am very interested, and think you look amazing.

I am looking for a woman who likes to take charge - intimately... 

I am very genuine in this request.

If you are interested please send me an email and I can expand on this topic.

Thanks 

consider yourself blocked, creepster!

p.s. - i just threw up on my keyboard. 

do more.

the beautiful thing about okc is that you can read someone's profile before you ever speak to them.  now, we all know that people exaggerate from time to time, but at least you can see how they want the world to view them, what their writing is like (incredibly important), his relationship status (although as we learned before, that sometimes does not stop them from pursuing) and how photogenic they are.  waaaay better than when you meet a guy in a bar and you have to piece this information together over weeks and months...

so here's my dilemma:
i get this adorable message below from a boy who is way younger than i would normally date.  he's also a vegan. (i need a man who will eat meat with me.  (also eggs, butter, jello....))

he says: 

Apparently I don't meet your minimum age requirement, but wanted to say I think you're sooooooo cute! And not in a little kid way but the "want to Kiss you a whole lot" kinda way.

that's just too cute.  and so is he!  (in his defense, my drawing isn't exactly the best...)  so i messaged him back.  and he asked me out.  because i'm a lady, i insisted upon a bit more online interaction before actually meeting in person.  another couple of messages were swapped and then he asked me out AGAIN.  this is faster than i'd normally move and i really don't think it'll work out.  so do i go?

when katie and i decided to go on okc it was because of a pact we had made for the summer.  "do more."  and i think to honor that pact i have to go out with this cutie.