you should message me if...

you want something substantial.  (that's right, internet, i said it!)

one man's opinion

one of my dear friends, another who ventured into the precarious world of online dating, shared with me his thoughts after reading katie's last post.  below are his words:

I just read K's update on the blog regarding dating and OKC, entitled, "What Happened To Dating?" Good pondering on her part.  I think it sums up WHY I don't like online dating, and why I prefer, and stick to, "real life" dating. With online, it's so easy to meet and just kinda go out with people, and then just drop 'em, knowing that there are others on that site just waiting in line.  There is a certain... sterility to it.  

It's almost like arranged marriage, for dating:Let's check off all of these boxes: nice photos (where we all start), good job, good sense of humor, tall, short, skinny, shapely (whatever boxes you may or may not care about).  And then we decide if He/She is suitable enough to meet us in real life!  There's just no dowry at the end, but your mom probably still ends up crying.

I find it hard for that spark to hit in real life, let alone online.  I know it does work for some online, but maybe those two people had a real world chemistry and that's why they work. Not because they met online, just because all they had to do was meet and the rest took care of itself.

Like, when I go through a BIG break up, I usually take 9 months to 2 years to find the next "one".  I bet that in 9 months to 2 years of online dating, you might statistically and randomly meet a person that you would have that same spark with.  But I feel the cards have to be a bit more stacked against you online, because while the profile and chats all look well and good, you can't read intention over the internet.

Make sense?

I'm not saying it's bad, just my two cents on it.  There are lame guys (and girls) online and in "real life" settings, no doubt.  But maybe when one is going into online dating, the perception is that the man being online means he's fed up with meeting people the normal way and is now on there to find "The One" to settle down with, have kids, or just fall in love with.  When, in fact, they probably just want to spend a summer dating their guy friends and seeing girls on the side, they just didn't make a blog about it.

This isn't meant as a rebuttal to what K said, or an answer specifically, just related to her post... just what popped into my mind once I read her post.

Author's Note after agreeing to let Suzy post this:

I write this as a man who has tried online dating briefly at two times in his life for about 2 months at a time, the most recent being this summer.  I go on looking for someone special, not just wanting to date women like I'm firing buck-shot at the sea.  I always quit after a month or so because I randomly met the next serious girlfriend in a "real life" setting  (I like to say "Organically," but Suzy here hates the term).  I'm one of those guys who wants to settle down just a tad, have adventures with my wife, and then pile on a few kids when we're both ready.  Now I just gotta find her.

And if you're curious, he just met a great girl - about 9 months after his last breakup - in real life.

What Happened to Dating?

I have a question - when did dating become a death sentence?

No, seriously - we all joined a dating site but then when it comes down to it, it seems that a majority of these boys are just terrified of dating.

I was talking to my friend Bill over the weekend and as a gay man, he hears stories from girls like us all the time. What I didn't realize, was that he was actually hearing the exact same story from all of us. It goes something like this.....

"We've been dating for a few months now. It's been going really well. We hang out 2, maybe 3 times a week. We're pretty much in constant contact via text, whatever. He's met my friends and invited me over to a barbecue at his house with all of his. We laugh, we have fun and we have sleepovers. We seems to be on the same page and I know that eventually - he wants a family - wife, kids, the whole bit, he's told me so. But we hung out last Tuesday and I haven't really heard from him since."

Maybe he's just busy, something came up at work, he's camping. Whatever.

So then you see said guy and the follow-up story goes something like this....

"Since things had been going so well, I just kind of wanted to check-in, see where he was and how he was feeling about things. We're adults, you know - so those kind of things can be discussed. And it's been months, it's not like this is date number two. And even then, I did not ask him to be my boyfriend, much less put a ring on my finger but now, he's just not sure what he wants."

Sound familiar? Well, my exact version(s) of the story go something more like...

"He dropped the L bomb after a few drinks a few weeks ago and when I confronted him about it, he basically took it back. His side of the story is that it's not that he didn't mean it, it's just that he's not ready for everything that comes along with it. But you can't drop the L bomb and continue to casually date one another so I guess that is that."

Or, then, there's this one....

"We hadn't even hung out for a month so I was just happy to see him. It was the end of the date and he was dropping me off. We'd had a great time, he made a fantastic dinner and we caught a movie. And I just love who I am around him, I'm the same with him as I am with you. It's just FUN. And easy. The last thing I was expecting was a talk. I didn't even want to talk! I'm tired of talking! But then, it happened. And before I knew it, it snowballed and I heard the whole 'I'm just not sure....' and I cannot. hear. that. again. so I guess that is that."

So again, I ask this and I also ask - when did dating become a death sentence? You know, girls in their late-20s, early-30s are known to have the reputation of being ready to settle down, husband hunting, crying ovaries, etc. but it seems to me, from my latest dating interactions, that's it's actually the dudes that are putting all the pressure on the relationship.

When I ask you if you want to continue seeing one another, see where it goes, see how it is when guards are down and we don't have to worry about the activity on your OKC account because hey, we're going to give it a shot - I am not asking you to put a ring on my finger. If you don't take a chance, how are you ever going to figure it out?

Bill shared with me that yes, it's the same story from all of his girlfriends and of course, gave me the "it's not you" line but what was really interesting was that he followed it up with a "honestly, I don't even think it's the guys either. I think it's a thing going on in society right now."

So what is it - is it that we have such easy access to the "sea" now thanks to sites like OKC, Match. com and eHarmony that we're just constantly on the search for something better? Is it that we saw our parents get divorced, sometimes multiple times, that took the sanctity out of marriage? Is it that between Facebook and Blogs - we're too wrapped up in our lives and ourselves to remember what it's like to be with someone else and how that can actually be a good thing?

It's taken the fun out of dating for me because ultimately, it seems that it just ends up in the same place over and over again. With that same place being square one. After dates and dates and emotions and emotions invested. You guys, I am the eternal optimist. The fall down five times, get up six girl and I'm questioning continuing this nonsense. And I just referred to something that I've cherished since I was a little girl as 'nonsense.'

What is happening?

a love song

"cause everybody's needin' what the singers all are singing in a love song."

you know it, kenny rogers.

music matters.

sometimes there are nights.  and sometimes there are mornings.  here's a song for each.  from my <3 playlist.

night
morning

enjoy!

messages i'm deleting

so you can only have, something like, 300 messages in your okc inbox (without paying a fee...lame.).  i've been saving all my messages because they're fodder for this blog, but today i'm purging.  had to document them before i hit the delete button though.  guess i'm a bit sentimental.  okay, here we go:

1. hey how's it going?
2. So if you had to choose between wearing a matted teal green crocheted poncho for the rest of your life, or only eating maraschino cherries, which would you choose?
3. I kept trying to think of a good way to write a first message to you, but gave up and decided to just write you anyhow.
4. Hi there,I just wanted to say hey, I think you sound like a lot of fun. You work in Architectural lighting sales? Where do you work? I work at AdLight and Sign, amongst lots of custom signs we also fabricate custom lighting. Hmmm, maybe we have more in common than you'd think.
5. Well, OKC wanted me to send someone a message and your profile popped out at me. :) Maybe we can chat sometime if you are interested. I look forward to hearing from you. And as always, don't forget your towel. :)
6. Hey how's it going? I'm Matt.
7. like your red dress! (ed note: i'm not wearing a red dress in any of my profile pictures...)
8. name a good song. GO!
9. i have a goofy question for you
10. If you were a banana for a day what would you do?

the last two were from different guys, they just happened to line up that way. kind of perfect.

You Should Message Me If.....

You call over text.

We'll even take 50% of the time.

Suggested Reading

Since it's like crickets over here right now, Suzy and I suggest you kill some time (as we have for the past hour) reading this.

You're welcome.

you should message me if...

you think you could compete with the other guys i'm already seeing.

Highlights of the Week

Girl date:

The third into the fourth of July, which thanks to a box of wine and a vodka-spiked slurpee - somehow feels like the same day. Suzy and I went down to Independence Eve last Tuesday night with our bike baskets packed of Snarf's, a blanket, a box of wine and a camera. Bailey and Graham (the cutest couple ever) joined us as we watched the Colorado Symphony play a dozen or so songs before the fireworks over the City and County Building. I love fireworks. Seriously. I'm the girl cooing over the private fireworks show that is inevitable on every season of the Bachelor. Post fireworks, we headed to the Irish Snug, shut it down, and started all over again the next day with said vodka-spiked slurpees at Wash Park and a grill in my courtyard that night. SS and I are real good at celebrating birthdays and America's was no different.

Boy date:

12 made me dinner Saturday night. Thanks to the downpour of the weekend, our grill out turned in to a grill in. I don't know if it was the rain. The food. The wine. The fact that it was our first night 'in'. The dogs. Or him. But it's one of those nights I hope to relive again soon.

You Should Message Me If....

You're interested in helping me knock of few off that list of 100.

He kinda nailed it.

Got this message this morning.

And yea, I guess I am that kind of party. Happy Friday!

"You look like a party waiting to happen. And I don't mean the kind of party where you drink too much and regret the decisions you made the next morning. I mean the kind of party where you wake up the next morning and keep the party going with brunch and mimosas then for a walk on South Broadway window shopping then maybe late afternoon margaritas and chips and salsa. That's the kind of party you look like. And that sounds fun."

IRL --> OKC --> IRL

The very first guy I met in Denver was when Kid Sister was visiting last Memorial Day. We were at Beauty Bar, his name was Nick. A musician, we seemed to have a ton in common and had great times the few times we did hang out. Which, if I recall correctly, was only twice. I couldn't ever even tell you what happened there - I just know that shortly after I met Nick, I was in Aspen - met Anton and then that somehow snowballed in to me entering the world of online dating.

So what are the odds, that 10 months later when I joined OKC, Nick popped up as one of my matches. I immediately sent him a "fancy seeing you here!" message and we started exchanging messages. As our Twitter friendship blossomed, we made plans to grab a drink once he was done with audition season.

Nick and I went out Saturday evening, 13 months after we'd met in real life, we were reconnected - thanks to the world of online dating.

And that's exactly what we discussed. Poor Nick, as we sat with vodka tonics - he heard probably more than he ever would have wanted. I took him through the entire Noah saga to the current state of the state. We discussed how a majority of our experiences through OKC have been mediocre at best, perhaps making the site's name even more appropriate. But even more importantly - we laughed. And it was so refreshing to be out with someone where there wasn't any pressure to make a killer first impression (pretty sure I already attempted that back in May 2011, drunk outside of Beauty Bar). And to hear that guys are going through the same things that Suzy and I write about here - made me realize that maybe we're not all so different after all.

So, OKC, even if this whole process turns out to be just 'OK' - at least you were able to reconnect me with someone who I think might just turn out to be a really, really good friend. Or at least one that will challenge me to a gin drink off.

the jokes just keep coming

i guess i look like a girl who likes bad jokes.  got this oldie but goodie in my inbox today:

(it was prefaced by the subheading "a bad joke:" but just saying that doesn't excuse you from telling the horrible joke, IMO.) What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

 har-de-har-deleted.

You Should Message Me If....

You like the fact that I vacuum pantless.

why are you here?

it seems like it has come up in conversation between katie and i a lot recently; messages or interactions with prospective fellows that are completely perplexing.  it has started to make me question the motives guys have when they decide to join an online dating community.  do they even want to actually date someone?

obviously everyone has their reasons for jumping on okc, but i found myself utterly baffled when i was reading this message i received today.  the guy was responding to a message i sent him (10 days after the fact, mind you) and just casually through a massively important parenthetical statement into a sentence.

"I was just in Oakland (I'm moving there in just a couple weeks, BTW!)..."

oh!  that's good to know.  you basically said "don't bother responding to this message" because i certainly don't need any more pen-pals, dude.

i just don't see the point of writing back such a lovely message, in which you talk about meeting up, when you're gonna be an out-of-towner in two weeks. 

any insight into this mysterious male mind would be greatly appreciated.

Wait, Wait : KK here. We always ask one another to edit our posts before they go live. It just so happened that this particular post came at the perfect time as I was just having this conversation OH ALL DAY. 

I was "broken up" with by the writer via an email this morning. I use " " because we'd only gone on two dates so there wasn't really any breaking up to do. We'd had one happy hour and one (amazing and yes, marathon) picnic.

Here's the catch - when we were out, there was a lot of "we'ing" getting thrown around - we should do this, we should go here, we are going to fall in love (ok, I made that last part up but you get it that when the word WE is thrown around enough, that's where a girl's head starts to go....). And I was smitten kitten. And yes, nervous because it did feel slightly familiar - all so easy, all so quickly. And it can be scary but that's why we're here, right? Even with dating Suzy and seeing boys on the side - the ultimate goal is to meet someone that we (gasp) like!

Apparently though, this was not the case with the writer. You see the whole problem is that we liked each other too much. Too fast.

But if you're going to run from that - then yes, I have to ask - why are you here?

We should have been able to step back, and when I say we - I mean him - to realize that we're dating. Just dating. There is no need to talk about kids, a ring, a house - any of that. We've gone on two dates. We're two people who enjoy spending time together. He likes to ride bikes. I like to ride bikes. And he makes a killer PB&J. Beyond that, let's just see where it goes.

And this is why it's worked so well with 12 all along. We see each other once a week, sometimes even stretching to two. We've never had a deep talk about where we're headed (besides the whole let's stay open and honest with one another convo). We are in touch throughout the week, through a text or quick phone call - then we get on his bike, usually eat and drink, let the dogs play and keep it simple.

When things came to an end with Jeff Goldblum a few weeks back, there were no hard feelings for a similar reason. Both of us were incredibly upfront with one another about the fact that we were "short-term dating" so when that term ended, we said our farewells and wished each other well.

The point is : We don't always have to complicate things to the point of driving ourselves crazy. We also don't have to date people that we don't like because it's too scary to date the ones we do.

If you're not ready to date or you're moving...get off OKC. Because even those of us that may not be looking for anything serious, can still get wrapped up and get our feelings hurt. And that's just not necessary this summer.

one of these things is not like the other...

today, katie and i both had candy snacks.  i had m&ms and she had skittles.  then we sent each other pictures. 

this is why we're 100% match.

Highlights of the (Birthday) Week

Last week, KK turned 29. If you survived any number of outings with me, or even just being in the same room with me during the obnoxiousness that is June 7 - thank you and I love you. With a week packed full of drinks, friends and giggles - there was plenty of competition for highlights but I'll have to go with:

Girl Highlight of the Week:

Dinner at Stella's on a cool June night, ringing in 29 years with those who have become my Denver family. With Suzy to my left, we toasted tempranillo wine, dipped bread, stuffed ourselves with pasta and ate cake.

Boy Highlight of the Week:

A picnic in the park with the writer. It was one of those dates that when you're exchanging emails, you say 'We should make PB&Js, drink wine and ponder life.' I can tell you that rarely those dates actually happen and instead, turn in to drinks in between meetings. But with the writer, of course it would happen. Gordon it tow, we arrived to the park, found a tree and set up a picnic that would last the entire afternoon. Filled with great conversation and promising plans - it was the perfect first date at 29.

you should message me if...

you know the difference between "your" and "you're".  and you look like ryan gosling. 

suzy, your eyes are so beautiful.  i think you're perfect for me.

clever?

i got this message from a guy today:


"Q: Why did the scarecrow win first place? "

and i must admit, i'm intrigued.  i like punny guys (pun + funny) and this is a tactic that i haven't seen before.  so, good job guy...but i still don't want to message you back.

does anyone know why the scarecrow won first place?

(update 15 minutes later)
i googled it.  not even a good joke.  "he was outstanding in his field."  does that work on girls?  or even worse, do i seem like a girl that would work on? 

(update 24 hours later)
so i told katie about this message last night and she knew the answer to the joke!  ...because a homeless man on the street told her.   classy.

mr. perfect

i did it!  i found the perfect man!

no, wait...that's not quite right.

i found the man who thinks he's perfect!

i stumbled across his profile very early on in my time on okc.  he was cute, very little information listed on his profile so i messaged him (look forward to my post about how i learned to date online: the hard way).  a couple of messages exchanged and i realized i wasn't into him at all.  so i stopped messaging.  evidently, he was not going to accept that as reality so he has been sending me messages to check in every so often.  messages like this one:

"Why are you on so much, and why can't you seem to find a guy?"

isn't he just a sweetheart?  no? 

since our original interaction, he's put more information on his profile.  a lot more.  here are some of my favorite parts, that prove what a catch he actually is (i'm having the hardest time not posting the entire tome here, but i would never subject you to that, darling reader). everything you see below in plain text has been copied and pasted, so i hope you enjoy the typos just as much as i did:

•  the way he feels about online dating: We all know it's an awkward thing to do: to describe oneself online for the purposes of attracting romantic interest. While it's a common cop-out to give reasons why you won't express yourself in lieu of the actual expression, I consider that weak. It's exponentially easier to destroy than to create. For those of us who do have the courage to risk creation and expression here, I respect it. That being said, this exposition is not intended to create romantic interest so much as it is to provide an honest if transparent exercise in insight to the natures of our genders. (it was at that very moment that i knew the rest of the reading was going to be very entertaining.)
• what he has to offer: If you'll pardon me listing some of my desirable characteristics directly, what I offer is someone who is exceptionally intelligent (as objectively evidenced by the highest possible scores on intelligence tests throughout my life, as well as academic college scholarships), exceptionally athletically talented (as objectively evidenced by championships at the highest national levels of multiple sports throughout my life, as well as athletic college scholarships), hilarious and clever, intuitive and spiritual, ambitious and successful, passionate and strong-willed, courteous and well-raised, acute and incisive, witty and spontaneous, reckless and experimental, confident and cogent, well-traveled and curious, tall and not bad-looking. (but certainly not humble, that's for sure.)
•  the type of woman he's into: I am attracted to intelligent, artistic, musical, spontaneous, playful, affectionate, cultured, graceful, beautiful, worldly, artistic, athletic, interesting girls. I am attracted to girls who have something to say, things to teach me, and things to contribute. I am attracted to girls who aren't afraid to make things happen. Brains, character, sexiness. (oh is that all?)
•  the type of woman he isn't into: The sort I'd wish to attract is a rare sort, and only she will understand the widsom of [my profile]. Those who wish to attempt merely to challenge, poke, prod, derail, demote or take exception to me in some way are advised to be cautious of projecting their own faults lest they find themselves encased in a house full of mirrors I will gladly if covertly erect around them. (this isn't his first rodeo.  he knows how to handle the forked tongue woman.)
• what he wants from you, specifically:We can all agree that a woman's shapes are biologically wired into all men as their primary sexual attractor. It's only fair that on an online dating site, every woman should have a head-to-toe picture that shows her figure clearly. Just because you don't like it, or don't want to accept it, doesn't mean it's not true. That's by definition irrationality. (or at the very least measurements.  that's not too much to ask for, right ladies? if it is, you're completely irrational!)
• the first thing people notice about him: That I'm tall, have big eyes, make everyone laugh, and am never outwitted or one-upped. (but again, certainly not humble, that's for sure.)
• his closer: If you are angered by what you've read, and would love to knock me down a peg, that's the sure sign I'm not interested in you, for you've surely missed the subtext here. If you are convinced you know me and how we'd get along based on reading this, please, spare me. However, if you have actually read this far, and you aren't a fatty, you might be a redneck, or my type, or both. (seriously, he used a jeff foxworthy joke from the 90s in his closer?  he's managed to come off as both condescending and cliche. well done!)

i can't find it in my heart to block him, because i fully expect a good laugh every so often when he messages me.  i'll certainly keep you updated when i hear back from him, but in the meantime, i'll leave you with my favorite excerpt from his profile.  enjoy!

"If we ever speak, with voices, on the phone, you will be guaranteed to laugh uncontrollably while simultaneously experiencing the light, sparkly feeling that accompanies novelty in learning, as ideas well-conceived tease and challenge your existing notions with charmingly-delivered actionable information." - mr. perfect 

Highlights of the Week

Suzy and I were drinking wine on my patio last night, discussing the highs (and lows) of the week when it hit me - we should be sharing our highlights here. How could I not have written about when Suzy and I (and Miranda) got rained out of the cruiser ride but made the best out of it by showing up to the Snug in our animal costumes? Or about riding on the back of a motorcycle with 12 as the sun set over Wash Park.

This is what this summer is about.

So every Monday, one, two or both of us will share our girl date (remember, we're dating each other this summer) highlight of the week and our boy highlight of the week.

Girl Date Highlight:

Suzy and I attended not one, but two, concerts together at Red Rocks last week. I thought about listing the highlight as us sitting in the car, drinking wine from a box while eating Cheezballs and talking (see: judging) everyone around us and as much as that was US and who we are - it's hard to top the moment when we were standing together, ten rows from the stage, singing along to Bon Iver's encore. It was one of those moments that I will remember for the rest of my life.

(KK) Boy Highlight of the Week:

Meeting a boy, actually, a (very well-dressed) man - IRL at First Friday. We'll call him Hot-For-Teacher. The night eventually led to him taking Miranda and I back to my place so we wouldn't have to cab it. As he chewed on his toothpick and chatted with us during the drive, I thought to myself - 'Holy, have I found a real life Ryan Gosling in Drive? Except instead of being a stunt driver, he's a teacher? But, seriously, equally as hot.'

#TheBachelorette

 "Two girls. One summer. And a season of The Bachelorette."

So as you may have picked up on by now - we're fans of The Bachelor Franchise and last night, we decided to take our fandom to a whole 'nother level by launching this Twitter account.

We'll be tweeting live re: "The Bachelorette" every Monday night throughout the season - most likely to be followed by "Bachelor Pad" late summer and "The Bachelor" come fall. Who knows, maybe we'll even get cray and start "Love in the Wild." And "Ice Loves Coco" (TRUE LOVE).

Oh, wait - we're supposed to be dating, too.

Don't worry, we'll find room for that. And maybe even a live date tweet session with a potential OKC suitor. Ohhhhhh loving that idea! You?

You Should Message Me If...

You love Disneyland and hate U2. 

excerpts from messages that didn't work

it seems that i've been getting an influx of really boring, fairly generic (and sometimes bordering on strange) messages recently.  see below for some excerpts that made me turn my head, squint my eyes and make a "hm" face:

1. "Hi there, you seem like a cool beans kind of gal." (you seem like a lame guy from the early 90s, #1.)
2. "What makes you happy? Specifics, please ..." (just read my profile.  that's why i filled it out.  to keep from having completely inane conversations.)
3. "I don't particularly enjoy food, and I have no fashion or style sense whatsoever, but I figured I'd email you regardless just to say hello."  (food and fashion are listed on my profile as the two most important things to me...)
4. "Hey, how's it going? I came across your profile and thought you seemed interesting and cute! If you'd like to talk some more, feel free to message me anytime!" (i bet that's what you say to all the girls, #4.  literally.)
5. "If you would ever like to link up for a beverage please feel free to message me! You seem like someone I could have a conversation with." (you seem like a robot, #5.)
6. "hi beautiful" (that's it?  you don't even give me punctuation, #6?)
7. "Hey how are ya? I'm ready to fall in love with you." (where #6 doesn't go far enough, this one goes waaaaaaaaay too far.  btw, that's all that was written.  no "wanna meet up" or anything. guess he thought that might make him seem creepy...)
8. "What's the craziest thing you have ever done?" (undoubtedly copy-and-pasted to every girl he liked.)
9. "How did you find the Box?!" (i honestly have no idea what this means. i'm completely perplexed.)
10. "Pete & Pete." (this is in reference to a song i have on my profile.  i guess he wanted to let me know that he knew what show it was from.  but nothing more.  that's all he wanted me to know.)

guys, take a note from katie's post to start writing messages that actually work.

Role Play

Last night was my fifth date with Jeff Goldblum. I just got back in to town from ten days in San Diego and Vegas so I warned him that I would likely not be much use. He suggested a night in, complete with dinner and the series finale of House. I told him that I never watched an episode of House but The Bachelorette kicked off last week.....

After half a dozen texts, Goldblum had the #BIE (read: best idea ever) and suggested that we watch his show while playing my show. I would be the Bachelorette and he would be a contestant, working it for the rose. Well if you know me, and know that I once made it to third round of casting for The Bachelor way back in 2006 - you know that I was all about this date.

Like a true gentleman, Goldblum picked me up, even giving me a few extra minutes to get myself freshened up. Once we arrived back at his place (the mansion), the date consisted of appetizers (including cheese), wine, a sunset, kisses and whiskey ice cream. And lots of well-researched lines from The Bachelorette.

I didn't have a rose with me but if I had, Goldblum totally would have received the 'Final Rose' for that evening.

humpday creepster

maybe i'm a prude, but i just don't like to think about strangers touching me.  like, the very first thought i have about someone is them putting their hands on me.  (that last sentence made my skin crawl.)

so i got this message and immediately filed it in the creepster bin:

"random question.... are you ticklish? :P"

 why?  is that something you're into guy-with-the-word-"tickle"-in-his-screen-name?  first of all, how is that random?  secondly, no!

Target Audience

I was watching the finale of The Voice last week when this commercial came on.

I think we all know by now that Google knows what they're doing.

One thing you should know is that I work in advertising and people are always telling me that I am the dream consumer aka a real sucker.

So take the fact that Google knows what they are doing and then add what a sucker I am plus my recent breakup where I hated (hate?) the ways things ended.

The result? Tears on the couch.



I think my exact next move was logging on to OKC and booking my next date. And that date was amazing. Thanks, Google.

do more...wisely

i decided to cancel my date with this guy.  the more we talked, the more i realized that i was never going to be into him.  he wasn't just too young or had different eating habits than i did, there were other things that made it apparent.  the biggest?  in every single message we exchanged, he kept emphasizing how alone he was, how much he wanted a girl, how incredibly excited he was to meet me.  these endearing comments made it that much harder to break the date but it was the right thing to do.  he wants to be in love so badly and i'm not going to be the girl to break his heart. 

he was so incredibly cute and genuine though.  i'm positive he'll find his lady.  and i wish him the best. 

You Should Message Me If....

You've got an extra ticket to a show at Red Rocks this summer.

humpday creepster

i'm not sure (and i really really hope) that i'll never get another creepster as creepy as last week.  the message this week, not gag inducing, but definitely odd:

"you are adorable... will you run away with me and see the world?"

i thought "seems cute, let's check the profile".  ew.  no, 41 year-old-man from honolulu hawaii.  how did you even find my profile when we're 3343 miles away from each other?  and why don't you have any pictures of yourself taken by other people? 


creepster.

things no one told me...

i've been going on some dates now.  quite a few actually.  and while they're typically fun, i miss my free time.  time when i don't have plans to meet someone for the first time.  time when i'm not "on".

i was talking with katie this morning about plans she has to meet a boy from 6:15-8:00 - he has tickets to a show after that.  "it'll be short and sweet (hopefully)", she says (isn't she the cutest?!).  then i had an epiphany.  and i feel silly that it took me this long to get here on my own...  short dates, especially for the first one, are preferable.  if you leave wanting more, see him again.  done and dusted.  now i can go catch up on "downton abbey". 

if you read our very first post where we talked about our dating history, you know that i've never really been out in the world, single and dating.  this is all new for me.  and to avoid any future awkwardness and exhaustion, please, for the love of all things sacred, tell me what else i need to know!

thank you.

Peonies in Season

Attention, gentlemen:

Peonies are now in season.

Please send to :

Katie Knoch

c/o Scream

1501 Wazee St. #1B

Denver, CO 80202

Thanks!!!!!! XO

Do You Think....

That complementing me and starting an argument with me, ABOUT U2 much less, is going to get me to message you back?

You seem like a sharp and funny person and you are very attractive, but how can you hate U2??? They are responsible for most of the groups you like!

Do the groups I like wear slicked back hair, wrap sunglasses, and have a lead singer named Bono?

I am a sharp and funny person and thank you for that but you know who's not? Shannon Doherty. And do you know who her favorite band is?

U2.

Enough said.

a reminder

9:43 AM me: hey hun

9:44 AM i am sick as a dog right now. stayed home from work. gonna get right by tonight, but i don't know if i can do the wine, cheese, smore extravaganza that monday nights typically are...

6 minutes

9:51 AM KK: oh yuck! i'm sorry to hear that! we can cancel if you want!

9:55 AM me: i don't want to miss your last monday. and it's been a few

  i'll do everything i can to feel better and hang out tonight

9:56 AM UNLESS you could conveniently schedule an awesome date.

 KK: you're number one girl - remember?

9:57 AM me: ;)

you should message me if...

...the only walls you have are in your apartment.

chatty cathies

katie and i talk constantly throughout the day on gchat.  we decided there is too much gold in those chats to be left alone.  so we'll start giving you glimpses into our daily conversations - the brilliantly phrased, witty banter that you have come to expect from us.  (...unless we're talking about panties.  and we are.)

this is a bit of a chat from wednesday.  i had a date that night (turned out to be an absolutely amazing date.  more on that later.) and we were gushing like school girls:

3:58 PM KK: awwwwww

  omg i am so excited for you!

  you'll have to let me know how it goes

3:59 PM and i have to say this although i do not believe it will be the case but text me if you need ANYTHING AT ALL

  and that could range from a rescue to a change of panties.

4:00 PM me: oh thank you sweetheart!

  that reminds me, we need to come up with a rescue plan

4:03 PM KK: yes we do, always smart!  since then, we have developed an infallible rescue plan but that's another post entirely.

JDate?

As I sat on my date with Jeff Goldblum the other evening, it struck me that he reminded me of another guy from my past. Who? Hmm. Is it the curly hair? The huge smile? I know I'm drawn to bigger noses. The fact that I am cracking up over this vodka tonic? Who....

OMG, I'm out with Mike Grossman.

For those of you not familiar with my (turbulent) dating past, Grossman is a guy I met during my kickball days (two time champ!) who swept me off my feet with that curly hair, killer sense of humor and his here one day, gone the next approach. Come to find out, that was due to the fact that HE HAD A FIANCEE.

As I sat enjoying my time with Jeff Goldblum and thinking about how incredibly attractive I found him, I thought to myself "Maybe I should give JDate a shot....."

Do more, right?

humpday SUPER creepster

sometimes you don't need to analyze a message to see the creepiness (like we did last week).  sometimes it just takes one single word.  sometimes (read: all the time) that word is "intimately".

he said:

Hello,

I am very interested, and think you look amazing.

I am looking for a woman who likes to take charge - intimately... 

I am very genuine in this request.

If you are interested please send me an email and I can expand on this topic.

Thanks 

consider yourself blocked, creepster!

p.s. - i just threw up on my keyboard. 

do more.

the beautiful thing about okc is that you can read someone's profile before you ever speak to them.  now, we all know that people exaggerate from time to time, but at least you can see how they want the world to view them, what their writing is like (incredibly important), his relationship status (although as we learned before, that sometimes does not stop them from pursuing) and how photogenic they are.  waaaay better than when you meet a guy in a bar and you have to piece this information together over weeks and months...

so here's my dilemma:
i get this adorable message below from a boy who is way younger than i would normally date.  he's also a vegan. (i need a man who will eat meat with me.  (also eggs, butter, jello....))

he says: 

Apparently I don't meet your minimum age requirement, but wanted to say I think you're sooooooo cute! And not in a little kid way but the "want to Kiss you a whole lot" kinda way.

that's just too cute.  and so is he!  (in his defense, my drawing isn't exactly the best...)  so i messaged him back.  and he asked me out.  because i'm a lady, i insisted upon a bit more online interaction before actually meeting in person.  another couple of messages were swapped and then he asked me out AGAIN.  this is faster than i'd normally move and i really don't think it'll work out.  so do i go?

when katie and i decided to go on okc it was because of a pact we had made for the summer.  "do more."  and i think to honor that pact i have to go out with this cutie.

6 vs. 12

I went on several dates last week and when I would report back to Suzy, she would ask "How was it, 1-10?" and I would say, "Um. 6. Nice guy but....." and it didn't matter what that 'but' was  - they were 6s. Which meant I maybe would go out with them again but probably shouldn't - for both of our sakes (boredom for me, false hope for the others).

I was in desperate need of a 10. With a date looming to make a "final exchange of belongings" with the ex, I needed to be reminded that 10s are out there.

And then Saturday night brought me a 12 and so I am here to tell you today the difference between a 6 and a 12.

A date with a 6

After several email exchanges and a follow-up call or text, you agree to go out. On a weekday because you kind of know he's going to be a 6 and Friday and Saturday nights are reserved for whatever it may be that you want to do - be that an 8+. 

You arrive at a place that is familiar, you were just here last week with a girlfriend - maybe not the best place for a first date but maybe he's just not trying to blow your hair back or invest until he knows you're worth it. It's within walking/biking distance of your house.

You greet each other with either a handshake or that butt-out, half-way hug.

You order a drink - he's a gentleman so he pays.

A discussion about work, what do you do, where do you do it, how long you been doing it - that usually gets you through drink one.

You debate having another - especially since he's a nice guy and hasn't dropped any 'peeping tom' jokes, the word poop within the first 5 minutes or said that if your dog was attacked by a mountain lion, it would be a good day for the both of you (and yes, all of these have actually happened in my online dating life). You order drink number two.

By the time number two is finished, you know how many siblings he has, where he has traveled and whether or not you want to go out with him again. You're not sure (mostly because you feel that if you agree and the night rolls around, you'll be tempted to just stay in and watch 'The Voice').

So when it wraps and he picks up the bill, you smile and thank him and keep the plans open - maybe sometime next week or the week after? Work is kind of crazy.....

And you're home by 8. In sweats by 8:30 and back on OKC by 9.

A date with a 12

The possibility of a new message from him is what keeps you logging in to OKC three times a day. He's cute, the right age and his emails make you laugh. After an email that took you an hour to write, but sounded like it just rolled off your tongue - you two have a date. It's his birthday week so it's not just a date but a cause for celebration.

You arrive late, of course, because this is one you wouldn't want to be late for but since you agreed to a Saturday night date, you have a feeling you might tie one on and therefore leave your car parked safely at home and take the bus.

You spot him parked at the bar across the restaurant and he's already yackin' it up with the bartender and halfway through his first drink.

He greets you with a full hug as you launch into an apology, he tells you not to even worry - sit down, house margarita?

And of course you talk about what you both do, whether those siblings exist or not and what brought you to Colorado - but you're also laughing (what a concept!), telling stories and exchanging arm brushes. You're having FUN.

Before you know it, one drink has turned in to three and it's 10 p.m. but it's Saturday night so when he returns from the bathroom, you ask if he's up for another drink. He invites you to his next plan for the evening (because 12s are social like you).

The date turns in to an adventure the moment you walk out of your first meeting place. The night consists of tequila shots, a guy hitting on you, a run in with his ex leading to a slap across the face, a first kiss next to a shuffleboard table, a dog walk resulting in a bloody knee, spilled Moscow mules - all resulting in you waking up an hour late, rushing to somehow make yourself presentable for a brunch date with your girlfriend before an afternoon baseball game.

And yes, that smile across your face and the texts exchanged the next day make it all worth it. 

That is a 12. And 12s are here to remind us that no matter what we had in our pasts - the next thing could be even better.

Introducing "You Should Message Me If..." Fridays

For those of you not familiar, OKC ends your profile with this question for you to fill in....

"You Should Message Me If....."

It's the CLOSER and can range from anything from "You are honest in your heart and honest in your laugh" (the original by yours truly) to "You're bored" to "You like what you see" to "You made it this far" to "You have a tender heart, beautiful eyes, and a sharp wit" (Suzy's original).

Question is - will you really message me if you are honest in your laugh and honest in your heart - will that sharp wit and beautiful eyes cause you to press 'message' or do we need to leave you with something a little more attention grabbing?

So every Friday, Suzy and I will be switchin' it up - and taking suggestions - to keep it fresh on our own OKC profiles.

This week, KK's will be...

You look like Ryan Gosling  and sound like Matthew McConaughey. 

 "Alright, alright....."

Hey, a girl can dream, right?

and sometimes there are boys we like...

i came across his profile last night, right before bed.  and i was struck immediately by how beautiful this tall texan was.  i found myself struggling to click off his page, so i messaged him.  (and since i post everyone else's messages here, it's only fair if i post my own...)

i said:

i'm typically really good with witty introductions, but that doesn't seem to be what's important right now.

right now i need to tell you that you are staggeringly beautiful. well, your photos are (the online thing is weird, right?)... i don't know how well we'd get on, but i couldn't pass your profile without telling you how it struck me.

hope you're enjoying denver thus far.

maybe it was because it was late and i was tired.  maybe it was because sometimes a cheesy line just doesn't feel right.  but i was just transparent with him.  AND IT WORKED.  we've messaged back and forth today and he seems like a cool guy.  and my words were true.  i'm still not sure how we'll get on, but are we ever?  it's worth a shot!

and with this, i introduce to you "humpday creepster"

we've already covered how a well thought through message makes all the difference, but sometimes even if a guy puts some effort into it, it still doesn't work.  case in point - this guy...

Do you know what a man and a snowstorm have in common?
You never know how many inches you're going to get, or how long its going to last.

So tell me, oh great catch. Why are you single, and looking for a match? 

while creative and unique, this message just made me gag.  i'm gonna break it down for you, in case you can't see why this message is SO off-putting (you can though, right?  of course you can.  you're not a creep).

1. the opening joke.  depending on the situation, i may have laughed at this joke.  like in a bar.  on a second date.  and if it started off by him saying "i heard the WORST joke the other day...".  as an introduction, penis innuendo typically doesn't go over well.
2. the rhyme scheme.  "...catch...match"  gross.  cheese city!
3. the worst question EVER.  "why are you single...".  don't.  just don't ever ask that.  because it's the exact same as asking "what is wrong with you and why will no one love you?" (you'll see a full blown post on this at some point in the future). 
4. the photo.  yeah...that's a garter on his head.  he's a party animal...or something.

i'm curious if that line has ever worked on a girl before.  my guess is no.

Take Note.

Ok, so you don't think that every. single. message. we get is horrible - I offer you a "THIS IS HOW IT'S DONE BOYS":

I had messaged this:

First of all - I refuse to believe that pink isn't a real color so I am glad to see you are leaning toward 'yes.'

Second of all, I hear 'ya on the hipster realization - but aren't we all kind of walking that fine line these days? It comes with the taste for good music.

Question - Care to share your top three tee shirts? And I mean via description. Don't worry, I am not asking to borrow your favorite tee on the first email.

I'm Kate and hoping you're having a good weekend. You are.....?

He replied:

... Jason! I'm Jason! Sorry for the late reply -it's been a busy week.

Ok hmm my top three shirts. My favorite one is really old, like 11 years or more; it has an illustration of a sniper on a rooftop, and it says "I love a parade" (I sometimes have a dark sense of humor) Second one is a little T-rex floating through the sky holding onto a bunch of balloons. Third favorite is probably my "Not a Doctor" shirt. It says not a doctor across the front and has a surgeon inside a red circle and slash through it on the back. I hope it lasts until I am a doctor so I can wear it under my scrubs :P

As for pink, I need to update that. It totally *is* a color. My indecision was based on light and wavelengths and so on, but once I realized that color is a product of the brain and not an external element I recognized that pink is a color. In fact it's unique since it doesn't have a corresponding wavelength like all the others.

I took that inner animal test and I guess I'm an African Wild Dog. I don't know how well those mix with hippos, but I'm willing to find out :) What shows are you going to at red rocks this year? I'm trying to find tickets to pretty lights but I'm not sure I wanna pay as much as people are asking for them. Oh! I wanted to ask about the Grapples! I'm so intrigued by them but I've never had one. Are they amazing or what? Do they really taste like grapes?

Hope your week is going well, talk to you again soon

Jason 

What he hits on:

The enthusasium of introducing himself.
An apology for the delayed response (all of three days).
Answers questions per my previous message.
Uses inflection (totally *is* a color).
Took my Discover Your Wild Animal test. Made a cute remark about it.
Asked about Grapples.

....And just like that, a girl is smitten. Keep it up, Jason. And the rest of you (see below) - take note.

you get what you give

to reiterate katie's point, we get at least 10 messages a day on okc (that's what the cool kids call ok cupid.  now you know.).  in this brutal world of snap-judgement first impressions that online dating fosters, just sending me a message isn't going to get my attention.  you've got to be witty, or handsome, or complimentary, or...something other than what this guy sent:

Liked your profile! You seem way fun. Check mine out Msg back.

err...  maybe try actually spelling out "message" and we'll see.

that's too private

"the most private thing i'm willing to admit"? 

when originally pondering this question posed by the ok cupid robot, i wanted to post something that was a bit personally revealing but not appalling - as truly private things tend to be the latter (and horribly unattractive).  so this is what i found myself typing:

"every single time i walk up stairs i have this vision of falling and knocking my front teeth out. it gives me the shivers. literally."

a couple of people have mentioned it on dates in the past, but recently i've had an overwhelming number of guys talk about it in their initial messages.  but not in an oh-i-share-that-same/similar-fear way or even a that's-really-weird-but-you're-cute kind of way.  i'm getting messages telling me about their experience knocking teeth out.  one dude even told me he would show me his flipper!?  (he followed it up with the admittedly cute comment "(settle down, that's what they call my partial denture.)" so i guess that was a bit redeeming...)

regardless, it gives me the heebie-jeebies.  i know things like that happen to people and thanks to the miracles of modern dentistry we don't have to walk around looking like hillbillies, but don't sully our first interaction with your unfortunate dental history. 

ew.

The Art of a Humorous Message

On a site such as OK Cupid, you've got to assume that everyone you are messaging is receiving at least ten messages per day - after all, you are.


So let me tell you what won't work - a line like 'nice to (e)meet you' - I'm not at work so I am not sure why I needed to sound like I was. I honestly think that I was just SO thrown off by the fact that his name was Noah - that I froze.


After two bottles of wine and an episode of 'The Voice' with Suzy though, I was feeling slightly more inspired. 


And hey, what do we have to lose, right?

And although we haven't gotten together to talk Jurassic Park yet - we have been exchanging multiple messages daily since then and he did offer to come down to a show to buy me a drink last night. I am not sure if I could actually go out with him without first establishing some sort of nickname but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.